Be who you be.

I used to think that I needed to have a “thing”. Growing up, one friend was the gymnast, another the Irish step dancer, and another the swimmer. One girl at my school was the “best athlete ever in the third grade” and one boy the best soccer player. I used to be MVP on my school basketball team in the third grade-then everyone else hit a growth spurt so that was short lived. Then, I became the girl who went to a different high school, then the girl who joined the Army. Now, I just get this sense of conflicting “things”. From the outside in, it’s easy to say- yep she’s a badass. From the inside out- she’s trying not to drown in testosterone. And from my perspective? I’m just trying to not be boxed into a “thing”. I am not my job, I am me. Do I run and do pushups and climb ropes? Sure, but maybe one of those things I actually enjoy. Do I work excessively long hours to pretty much no avail? Yes.

And you know what else? I love gardening. I love the feeling of curating and nurturing something into fruition. I love hosting people for summer cookouts and having a thousand dogs running around. I love going to bed and waking up to the birds singing. I love tea and despise coffee. I used to be the good, Christian girl, and now I don’t know what I believe in. I used to think tattoos sent you to Hell and now I have two of them. It’s hard to be who you be if you constantly tell yourself who you are.

And I get it, the brain does this when interacting with other people. It creates these shortcuts so you can more easily remember more people. But what happens when we do it to ourselves? When we think we need to create shortcuts to “remember who we are”?

Maybe, instead of trying to remember who we are, we should try to just be who we are.


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